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78 Game Reviews

12 w/ Responses

Too difficult, too boring.

The game literally boils down to "click enemy sprite enough times before time runs out." And then the enemy moves so fast that, even with a predictable pattern, you will miss if you are just a frame too early or late. This is most certainly not helped by the enemy jumping out of the screen and becoming momentarily invincible. And even all this would be forgivable if you had some way to block attacks; that way, even when your clicks miss most of the time (and they will), you could at least survive long enough to actually win.

VioletVulpine responds:

I think it's easy. Only a retard cannot beat the simple bosses

I really dislike this control scheme.

Why didn't you implement an Asteroids-like control scheme? You know, left and right to turn, up to move forward, down to brake, and space to shoot? That would have been a far superior choice to... this.

theta4 responds:

This game is largely (and I mean LARGELY) based off the Namco arcade classic Bosconian. The control scheme is essentially the same. The only difference is you don't start off with a rifle that shoots both forward and backward, which makes things harder the first few levels.

This is the most responsive, maneuverable set of controls, and once you get used to them, it's absolutely amazing. I tried several control schemes, and this was the one I decided on. Besides, asteroids-style controls would completely get in the way of the main point of the game, presenting a new challenge entirely.

Looks promising.

Of course, there are a few graphical issues. The dragon flapping its wings needs to have more than 3 frames of animation, and when the treant grows giant, it should use a much higher resolution sprite.

HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE LAG

This game is solid in every way, but it suffers from one humongous problem, and it's so bad that I had to go and take 5 stars off from my rating for it. The amount of lag in this game adds an obscene amount of fake difficulty to otherwise simple platforming gameplay. The level with the tiny platforms that helpfully reminds you of the Skip function is nearly impossible to get through with the massive lag completely throwing off my timing (I say nearly impossible because I did eventually beat it after like a gazillion tries). And the minigames are almost completely unplayable, because the spacebar seems to stop functioning every so often and waste precious seconds.

I'm sorry to have to give you such a low score, but frankly, I don't think this deserves front page in its current state. It shouldn't have been submitted at all before you worked out this one major issue. The amount of effort you poured into this game (and it looks like a lot, which makes me even more regretful of giving you 3 stars) means absolutely nothing if it borders this close on unplayable.

Perhaps it would have been better if the effort spent on coding unplayable mini-games had gone into bug-squashing.

Two things.

I would suggest adding some hit points. If you get damaged 3 times, you have to start over. Right now it's just tedious having to start the stage all over again after a single mistake.
Also, turn down the acceleration to below half the current amount. I hate having to constantly tap by just tiny little amounts to avoid careening off uncontrollably.

Good, not great.

First of all, the sniper rifle is probably too powerful. It doesn't take much skill to line all the zombies up and kill them with a single bullet. Plus, its low bullet usage means it will never run out. On the flip side, the flame thrower is too weak to be the second most expensive weapon. I would suggest that you flip the two around.

I was also pretty disappointed by the lack of an ending. If it were an endurance game, where losing all of your lives ended your run, it would be understandable. But since you have unlimited lives, and the difficulty stops rising after level 10, the only thing left is for the game to continue on forever and ever. Instead of a Golden Assault Gun, $10000 should buy you an Ultimate Zombie Nuke or something, triggering an endgame cutscene where you plant the bomb and it instantly destroys all the zombies in a glorious explosion of blood and guts.

Just one thing:

FUCK THAT FINAL JUMP OUT OF THE UNDERGROUND LEVEL.

Otherwise, I quite enjoyed this game. The commentary by your future self helped spur me forward as well, although I would've liked him to not repeat any lines in a single playthrough. Plus, how come you're not in a red suit by the end? It makes less sense than the existence of a giant enemy crab (though the crab is a close second).

A very amusing 5 minutes.

Just a little buggy.

In addition to the "forward" menu glitch mentioned earlier, in all three of the ending rooms, as long as there is nothing blocking the portal, it doesn't matter if you're on top of it or all the way at the far edge of the screen; ducking anywhere in the room makes you teleport.

Otherwise, I found this game pretty enjoyable. Cheesy hero + hilarious deaths = winning formula. I wouldn't mind seeing more games in this vein (or even in this series; he does survive the Dork's Corner ending, after all). Just as long as there are no wall-ignoring enemies like that damn imp.

Lacks polish.

The physics are not quite right. Enemies don't die as soon as you jump on them, moving feels slippery, and platform placement is rather haphazard. I didn't even get past the first level because even the tutorial felt extremely confusing. The music is also very dull. It could have been a better game if the effort you put into making a level-up system went to fixing the problems above.

The game froze.

The game froze when the AI started its turn, and the jump-capture sound started playing on endless loop. All I can figure is that I gave it an opportunity to double-jump, and it glitched out. At least Menu took me back to the title.

I was on normal difficulty when this happened.

I'll try to show what the board was like when I gave control back to the AI.

Top Row: All Empty
Row 2: Blue, Empty, Blue, Blue
Row 3: Yellow, Blue, Blue, Blue
Row 4: Blue, Empty, Blue, Blue
Row 5: Yellow, Yellow, Blue, Yellow
Row 6: Yellow, Yellow, Empty, Yellow
Row 7: Yellow, Yellow, Empty, Yellow
Bottom Row: All Empty

Please fix this.

Mitchell Bandes @ChaoticBrain

Age 35, Male

Nondescriptive joke place

Joined on 8/21/10

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